


Time Still Turns the Pages

by malum_animi



Category: Avenged Sevenfold
Genre: Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, Past Synyster Gates/The Rev
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-03
Updated: 2013-12-26
Packaged: 2017-12-31 08:37:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1029596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malum_animi/pseuds/malum_animi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been just over a year since they buried Jimmy and Brian isn't sure he can ever pull himself together again. Michelle's left him, unable to deal with him, and no ones sure if they can continue as Avenged Sevenfold. Brian deals with it the only way he know how. Alcohol. </p>
<p>Zacky's watched Brian spiral down and he can't take any more. He won't sit back and watch another friend kill themselves. He's ready to do whatever he can to pull Brian back from the ledge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Right, so I've screwed with the timelines a little bit and pushed Nightmare back. Also, I wasn't a fan of A7X when The Rev died so the details surrounding his death are more...confusing to me. I'm pretty sure I've fabricated most of this.

Brian sighed and threw back another shot, lifting the empty glass in a toast to the empty room. "Happy birthday Jimmy." He didn't even bother with the glass this time, grabbing the bottle instead. "You fucker, you're thirty today." He knew he shouldn't be doing this, drinking like this by himself, knew he should call Matt or Zack, since they'd been trying to get him to come over all year. But Brian wouldn't have it. They were all still grieving, and if his grieving meant drinking himself into a coma by himself well then that was his own damn business wasn't it?

 

He sighed and leaned his head back, letting the open bottle dangle from his fingers as he stared at the ceiling of his living room. It was just a shitty year all round. First Jimmy, then barely two months later Michelle had left him, claiming she couldn't live with him like this. Fuck her. His best friend, his brother was dead, and she expected him to be stable? Granted, calling her a selfish bitch probably hadn't helped matters either.

 

The buzz of his doorbell jerked him out of his self-loathing and he groaned “can’t the fuckers leave me alone for a minute?" He said to the ceiling "Fuck off!" He yelled toward the door, loud enough that he knew whoever was on the other side could hear him.

 

The sound of the door unlocking had him groaning again.

 

"I have a key you ass! I was just being polite!"

 

Brian waved the bottle around "Well if it isn't Zacky V! Here to make sure I haven't fallen down the stairs?" He sneered "If Matt sent you can fuck right off."

 

Zacky rolled his eyes "Matt didn't send me. He's not the only one worried about you know." He came up behind Brian and plucked the bottle from his hand, ignoring the indignant protest from Brian. "If you can walk over here without falling over you can have it back."

 

Brian pouted. That wasn't fair. Zacky knew he couldn't walk upright when he was drunk. "Gimme it back."

 

"No."

 

"Fucker." Brian glared. "Why are you here?"

 

"I'm here to make sure you don't give yourself alcohol poisoning, you asshole." He sighed "You're not the only one grieving, you don't have to do this alone." Zacky himself had spent three days after the funeral completely trashing his house, until the only things left were either gifts from Jimmy or too big for him to throw. He'd spent nearly five grand replacing it all but it made him feel better. "He wouldn't want this."

 

"Don't. Don't tell me what he would want." Brian snapped, standing up precariously to glare at Zacky. "You don't get to do that."

 

"Why not? You know it's true! He'd kick your ass if he saw you doing this to yourself!"

 

"Because he should be the one to tell me!"

 

Zacky sighed and slumped against the wall "But he's not, Brian, and sooner or later you're going to have to accept that." They all would.

 

Brian closed his eyes against the tears he could feel welling up and sat back down, curling in in himself. "Just go home Zack"

 

Pushing himself off the walk, Zacky handed the bottle back to him. "Finish this up. I'm gonna go see if you have anything edible."

 

Leaving Brian to himself, Zacky walked back through the house, taking in the state of the downstairs. Empty bottles lay in the floor, as if Brian had just dropped then when they were empty. The kitchen was worse, trash piled up, empty take out containers lined the counters. Well, Zack mused, at least he was eating. Pulling open the fridge he sighed, empty save for some beer and a carton of orange juice. Looked like he was going to have to clean and grocery shop.

 

"Brian!" He called out, waiting until he heard Brian grunt in acknowledgment "I'm going to the store, you don't have a damn thing to eat in this house." He grabbed the beer from the fridge and poured it down the sink, knowing he'd have to go though and hide the rest of Brian's alcohol as well.

 

He leaned into the living room "Is there anything you want?" He paused "Anything that's not alcoholic?"

 

He rolled his eyes when Brian waved his middle finger over the back of the couch. He'd take that as a no.

 

 

It didn't take Zacky long to pick up a few things he thought Brian would eat. He'd only been stopped twice by fans, and both girls had only given their condolences before leaving him be. They had good fans, and none of them thought badly about the ones who were brave enough to approach them about Jimmy. They knew the fans loved him as much as they did.

 

"Brian?" He called out as he locked the door behind him.

 

"Upstairs!"

 

Zacky sat the bags of food on the kitchen table and made his way upstairs, half surprise that Brian had managed to get up them. He found Brian on his bed, wrapped in a towel. Well, at least he wasn't going to have to force him in the shower "I got food."

 

Brian nodded, picking up he framed picture in his bedside table.

 

Zacky recognized it and smiled, sitting down next to him. He had taken it a few years ago, planning to use it as blackmail. Jimmy had all but thrown Brian over his shoulder one night before a show, and the outraged expression on his face had been priceless. He didn't remember how Brian had gotten a hold of it.

 

"How did we not know?"

 

Zacky sighed "Not even Leana knew, and it never affected his playing." No, no one had known until the coroner’s report had come in.

 

"Why didn't he tell us? We could have helped, we could have done something!"

 

"I don't know." Zacky watched as Brian's fingers tightened around the frame, pulling it gently from his hands before Brian accidentally broke the glass.

 

"Of all the selfish, cliched ways..." They had all dabbled a little in things they shouldn't have in the beginning, newly signed and with more money than they were used to. But Matt had put a stop to that once they started getting big.

 

"Brian..."Zacky sighed "out of all if us, he was the easiest to get addicted. You know that."

 

They had all known that, they just chose to ignore it. Zacky placed the picture back on the table "Come on," he nudged Brian "put some clothes on and I'll fix you some lunch."

 

A shadow of a smirk quirked Brian's lips "What? Am I too sexy for you Zacky? Got to cover me up?"

 

Zacky flushed and rolled his eyes "Get dressed you vain asshole." He said as he stood.

 

Brian's laughter followed him down him down the stairs and he smiled, at least his embarrassment had cheered Brian up some.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I warn for past Syn/The Rev? I'm gonna do it anyway.

Brian shook his head and sighed as Zacky all but fled from his bedroom. Part of him felt bad for using Zacky’s attraction to him like that; it was a bit of an open secret in the band, everyone knew about it, but no one really talked about it. But he knew Zacky would forgive his dickish behavior, he was drunk after all. Slipping on a pair of pants—Zacky had seen him shirtless so many times now it didn’t faze him anymore—he made his way downstairs, lured into the kitchen by the smell of something greasy. “What are you fixing?” he asked, leaning against the door frame and smirking when Zacky jerked in surprise.

“Hangover meal. Or you’re going to regret all that alcohol later.”

Ah, Matt’s famous cure. They were all familiar with it, Matt having fixed it on numerous occasions for his alcohol impaired bandmates. He wondered how Zacky had conned the recipe out of him, Matt had always been adamant about keeping it a secret. Leverage, he’d called it, in case he needed revenge against them. Brian always thought Matt was cruel. He was already sobering up, Zacky had gotten to him before he’d made it to the liquor cabinet. He sighed, Zacky was right. “He’d beat my ass wouldn’t he?”

Zacky nodded “It’s been a year Bri, he’d hate to see you like this.”

Brain sat down and laid his head against the cool wood of the table “I miss him.”

Zacky put a plate down in front of him “We all do.”

Brain shook his head “Not like this, I…we…” he groaned in frustration.

Zacky frowned “Brian…we’re you two…together?” He’d always wondered about the two of them, they were so close, it would only make sense.

Brian shrugged “Not really, it was a tour thing, the girls knew and it always stopped when we came home.”

Zacky sighed, Brian’s behavior this past year made more sense now. “But still.”

Brian nodded, still not raising his head from the table “I loved him Z, and he left me.”

Zacky sat and leaned over, wrapping his arms around Brian tightly.  They weren’t the hugging type, but he knew he could get away with it this time.

Brian shuddered turned, wrapping his own arms around Zacky’s waist and burying his face in his shoulder for a moment before pulling away “M’hungry now.”

Zacky stared at him for a second before rolling his eyes and laughing, “Then eat.” He sat back into his chair and pulled his own breakfast to him—a bowl of cereal, he wasn’t a hung over mess after all—watching fondly as Brian all but inhaled his food. Then he frowned “Brian, you know I’m going to have to tell the guys about this right, they’re worried about you.” That and he was pretty much under orders to tell Matt everything that happened here today.

“Yeah I figured.” He wasn’t exactly looking forward to having the rest of the guys in on it, but he’d brought it on himself.

The vibration of his phone against his leg stopped Zacky from offering to keep quiet about the relationship. It was a good thing, he’d never been good at lying to Matt, and it was bound to come out one way or another. He sighed when he realized the text was from Matt. The man had ESP or some shit, always knew when there was shit going down that he needed to be in on.

_So? Is he alive?_

Zacky glanced up at Brian, taking in the limp hair and dark circles under his pale skin. _Depends on ur definition of alive. He’s sobering up now._

_Good. Get anything out of him?_

Straight to the point as always. _Yeah, some heavy shit. Talk in person._ He wasn’t going to discuss Brian’s love life over text.

_Figures. Can u get him over here today?_

_I’ll try._

“Matt checking up on me already?” Brian asked, watching as Zacky startled and shoved his phone in his pocket. He rolled his eyes “No need for that, I’m not stupid and his protective streak is ten miles wide.”

“He wants us to come over later.”

“Why? Does he think you’re lying to him and I’m strung out on every drug known to man?” Because there was no way Zacky had told Matt anything too bad, or he’d would have been fielding phone calls for the next hour.

Zacky laughed “No, and he didn’t say why. But you know Matt, he probably just wants to see for himself.”

Brian scowled, he wasn’t in the mood to be on the receiving end of Matt’s mothering, and he definitely didn’t want to be there when Zacky filled him and Johnny in. “I think I’ll pass on that. Tell Matt I’ll come by when he’s not channeling my mother.”

Zacky sighed, he figured that was what Brian would say. In the year since Jimmy the man had gone from a social butterfly to a recluse. Zacky wasn’t even sure he did his own grocery shopping anymore. “Fine, but don’t blame me when Matt comes and beats your door down.” He stood and pulled his phone back out, sending out another message to Matt and Johnny. He’d go now, while Brian was sober, and get it all over with. “If I leave am I going to come back and find you wasted?”

“No. I’ll fucking stay sober.” Brian scowled and rolled his eyes. Zacky was getting as bad as Matt with the mothering shit, and he was already getting sick of it. He waved his hand toward the door “Go and report to Mama Matt like a good boy.”

“You know, you’re really not in a position to get pissy over us treating you like this. You brought this on yourself. You could have talked to us.” Zacky said, trying not to snap at Brian. He knew how he was feeling right now, and he sympathized even more with Brian now that he knew the whole story. But he wasn’t going to put up with him acting like a teenager either, although it was nice to see even a little of the old Brian again.

Brian slumped in his seat and sighed, his ire melting away. “Whatever…just go. I’ll be good.”

Zacky frowned and pushed down the urge press a kiss to his temple, Brian would probably punch him if he did, but he looked so…defeated. “…right, I’ll be back later then.”

Brian didn’t say anything, but he watched as Zacky wandered out of the kitchen and listened for the slam of the front door and the growl of Zacky’s bike as he pulled out of the driveway. He really wanted a drink. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the wait, my mamaw died and I just lost all motivation to write.


	3. Chapter 3

Zacky stared up at Matt’s house with a sigh. This was going to be hell. He’d go in there, without Brian, and have to tell Matt, Val, and Johnny that no, Brian wasn’t coming out of his house, and by the way, he and Jimmy had had a long term relationship with each other behind our backs, but hey, at least Brian hadn’t given himself alcohol poisoning yet. This was going to go one of two ways: They weren’t going to believe him, and Matt would break down Brian’s door demanding to know the truth, or they would believe him and Matt would break Brian’s door down demanding to know why he lied.  
  
Neither option would end well.  
  
The front door opened and Zacky quirked a smile at Matt, who was standing in the doorway with his arms crossed and waiting for him. “I’m coming, I’m coming.”  
  
Pocketing his keys, Zacky followed Matt inside, stopping to give Val a brief hug before settling in on the couch next to Johnny. He looked up at Matt “You might as well get comfortable.”  
  
“Is he ok?” Val asked, sitting down and tugging Matt down next to her.  
  
“Not really. He’d alive and sobering up but he’s far from ok.” Zacky sighed “When I got there he was on his fourth bottle of Jack. The house was trashed. I’m pretty sure the only this he’d done was feed and walk Pinkly.” He’d seen the little dog curled up in her bed, it was the only area of the house not trashed.  
  
“What was he thinking?” Matt sighed.  
  
Zacky shrugged “He wasn’t.”  
  
“Did he tell you why?” Johnny asked “He knows we all miss Jimmy.”  
  
Zacky shifted in his seat “Yeah…he…” he trailed off, not knowing how to tell them something like that. Running his hand through his hair he started again “You know how we used to joke that they acted like a married couple?”  
  
Matt smiled faintly and nodded, remembering all the times they would come across the two cuddled up somewhere, or the seamless way they acted around each other. Matt had always envied their friendship. “What does that have to do with…” Matt trailed off and stared at Zacky “You’re shitting me, they were actually fucking together?”  
  
Zacky shrugged “Apparently.” Then added “The girls knew.” When he saw Val straighten up and her eyes narrow. He knew what she was thinking, and if Val though Brian had been cheating on Michelle, then not even Matt would be able to stop her. “He claimed it was a tour thing that the girls didn’t mind.”  
  
“Well fuck.” Matt sighed. “That explains a lot doesn’t it.”  
  
Zacky nodded “You know Brian, he falls hard and fast. And it was Jimmy.”  
  
“Why didn’t he tell us?”  
  
Zacky shrugged “I don’t know, that was all I could get out of him.”  
  
Matt sighed and scrubbed a hand over his hair "I'm going to assume that's why he's not here with you."  
  
"Probably." Zacky sighed "He won't talk about it, at least not yet. I don't know what to tell you, maybe try asking Michelle about it?" he said, holding back a laugh when Val pulled her phone out. She never did like being left out of the loop when it came to her sister. Zacky was honestly surprised Michelle had kept it from her.  
  
"I should go, Brian promised not to drink, but I'm not sure if I believe him or not." Zacky sighed and stood up.  
  
"Tell him we're not mad okay?" Johnny said, poking him in the side.  
  
Zacky nodded and hoped Brian would still be sober when he got back.  
  


* * *

  
Zacky had been expected several things when he got back to Brian's house. To find that Brian was in the process of cleaning the whole place wasn't one of them. There were three bags of trash in the hallway, and the bottles inside clanked together when Zacky accidentally kicked one of them.  
  
"Brian?" he called out, dropping his keys on the table in the hall and wandering through the living room.  
  
"You're back already?" Brian said as he made his way down the stairs, another bag of trash in his hands "Did you escape the inquisition?"  
  
Zacky rolled his eyes "You know it wasn't like that. They're worried about you."  
  
Brian snorted and threw a empty bag to Zacky "Whatever, come help me clean."  
  
"Brian..." Zacky sighed, following him up the stairs "You can't avoid them forever."  
  
"No but I can try." Brian said "Let me guess how it went. You told them about me and Jimmy, Matt's mad I lied, Val thinks I was cheating on Michelle the whole time and Johnny's probably wondering how he ended up in a band with a bunch of fucking fags." he summarized as he picked up the pile of dirty clothes that was laying outside his bedroom door.  
  
"Stop being an asshole. That's not how it went down and you know it. They don't understand because you won't talk to anyone! And if you think for a minute I'd let them think you ever cheated on Michelle then you don't know me very well." Zacky snapped, grabbing the clothes from Brian and all but stomped out of the room. "And I'm just going to ignore that last part completely!"  
  
He didn't bother separating any of the clothes, none of them were exactly known for their colorful wardrobe, and tossed them into the washing machine along with some detergent before slamming it closed angrily. Leaning forward against it, he stared at the machine. What the hell was wrong with that man?  
  
Zacky didn't bother turning around when he heard Brian come in behind him, and he didn't move when Brian draped his arms around his waist and laid his forehead against the back of his neck. Brian only got cuddly when he was truly sorry about something, but Zacky wasn't going easy on him this time.  
  
"M'sorry Zee, I shouldn't have said that."  
  
"Shouldn't have said what exactly?"  
  
Brian sighed "You always stick up for me, I know that. And you're not a fag, I know you don't like us to talk about it. I'll talk to them, I swear, but just not yet."  
  
"I don't want to get the band it trouble, you know that." he sighed and turned around, trying not to smile when Brian's head landed on his shoulder. They looked ridiculous. "Just don't put if off too long, you're not the only one hurting."  
  
Brian nodded and straightened up, squeezing Zacky's waist once before he stepped back. He stared at him before darting in and pressing a quick kiss to his lips, leaving Zacky to watch him all but saunter out of the room in shock.  
  
Zacky slumped back against the washing machine and pressed a hand over his mouth. What the hell was wrong with that man?


	4. Chapter 4

 

As soon as Brian was back in the hallway, he groaned, what the fuck had possessed him to kiss Zacky like that? Of all the stupid things he could have done, he was pretty sure this just made number one. Of course it's a good idea to kiss the only person he'd told about the affair he'd had with his best friend. The same guy that Brian was pretty sure had been in love with him for years. Jesus fucking Christ.  
  
Brian never really let himself think about his feelings for Zacky. He'd been with Michelle, and then the thing with Jimmy started and he just pushed anything beyond friendship, he felt selfish enough being with Jimmy.  
  
But if he had let himself think about it--and maybe he had, after shows when Zacky would bounce around affectionate with everyone, or on the nights he was alone--he knew that Zacky's feelings weren't as one-sided as everyone seemed to think. Nothing would ever happen between the two of them, Brian's heart had been broken into so many pieces this past year he didn't think he would ever be able to recover from it. He'd lost too much, he'd loved Jimmy and Michelle with all his heart, and now Jimmy was dead and Michelle wasn't coming back.  
  
He was better off alone and he knew it.  
  
With a sigh he shook his head and returned to his bedroom, he still had half a house to clean, there was no use wasting time thinking about things that could never be. They'd go about their lives like they always had, and Zacky would never bring the kiss up, thinking it was just a spur of the moment drunk Brian thing.  
  


 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It took them nearly three hours to clean Brian's house from top to bottom. Most of the trash had been in the bedroom, kitchen and living room, although the rest of the place was certainly feeling the few months of neglect. Zacky threw himself down on Brian's couch with a dramatic sigh and buried his face in the cushions. "That's it," he said, his voice muffled by the couch "I'm never cleaning a house again, you're on your own next time Haner."  
  
Brian snorted and lifted Zacky's legs, sliding underneath them to sit down as well. He patted the back of one knee "Because I have such a habit of trashing my home. You'll live Baker."  
  
"For all I know, it's a weekly ritual for you." Zacky said, turning over on his back and looking up at Brian "God knows your bunk is always a mess on tour."  
  
Brian rolled his eyes "Look who's talking Mr. I Must Scatter VU Designs All Over the Bus."  
  
"Fuck off."  
  
Brian huffed and leaned his head back against he couch. He could feel a headache coming on. He'd been trying to avoid his hangover, popping Ibuprofen around the clock, but it seemed he wasn't going to be able to avoid it much longer. He squeezed his eyes shut and raised his hands to press against the sides of his head.  
  
He felt Zacky shift beside him "Headache?"  
  
Brian nodded and winced when the movement only made the pounding in his skull worse. Fuck, why did he think it would be a good idea to drink so much?  
  
"Want a massage?"  
  
Brian didn't hesitate nodding. Zacky was known throughout the band and crew for his head massages, and right now Brian didn't care if it made things more awkward between them. He let Zacky pull him around until he was leaning against him, and he threw his legs over the arm of the couch.  
  
It didn't take long until the feeling of Zacky's fingers rubbing and scratching at his scalp lulled him asleep.  
  
Zacky shook his head fondly as Brian went limp against him, he could count on one hand the number of times scratching Brian's scalp didn't put him asleep. He'd almost forgotten about it. Moving carefully, he was able to scoot out from under Brian and slid off the couch, smiling when Brian curled up in the spot he'd left.  
  
Glancing around, he grabbed an afghan off the back of the recliner and draped it over him, stifling a yawn as he curled up in said recliner. A nap really wouldn't hurt, he decided, after all, he'd been up since early this morning and it was already late afternoon. Brian would sleep like the dead for a few hours, so Zacky didn't bother setting an alarm on his phone before he drifted off.  
  


 

 

 

  
Part of Matt knew he should leave Brian be and not antagonize him, that part knew he'd only drive Brian further away, but the louder part of him wanted to know why Brian would lie to them, wanted to force the man out of his house and to shake him until he realized there were others around him who were more than willing to help him. That part was the reason Matt was standing outside Brian's house.  
  
After a few minutes of having his knocks ignored, he growled impatiently and dug out his keys, unlocking the door and stepping inside. "Zack! Brian!" he called out.  
  
"What the fuck? Matt shut up!" Zacky hissed from his spot in the recliner. He'd never managed more than a doze, but Brian was still asleep and he'd like to keep it that way. "He's asleep!"  
  
Matt glanced down at the couch where Brian was curled up under a blanket--one Jimmy's mom had given him if he wasn't mistaken--and sighed "Sorry."  
  
Zacky shook his head and stood, stretching with a sigh before leading Matt out of the living room and into the kitchen. "What the hell are you doing here Matt?"  
  
"You know why I'm here Zacky, he can't hide forever."  
  
"And he won't, he knows that."  
  
Matt sat down with a sigh "Zack it's been a year, we have to at least try and move on, it's not just about us anymore, the fans, the label--"  
  
"The fans understand and the label can go fuck themselves." Zacky snapped.  
  
"Do you really want Jimmy's last work to go unheard?"  
  
Zacky sighed and slumped into his chair "No I don't. But do you really think we can go and record than album without him?"  
  
Matt shrugged "I don't know, but we owe it to Jimmy to at least try."  
  
"You know, if you were trying to be quiet, you guys really failed." Brian interrupted, leaning against the doorway, blanket still wrapped around him. "What do you want Matt?"  
  
Matt stood and stepped forward, pulling Brian into a tight hug, relieved when Brian hugged him back. Taking a step back he looked at Brian seriously "You should have told us, we would have understood."  
  
Brian shrugged "Got used to lying about it I guess. Is Val mad?"  
  
Matt shook his head "She called Michelle. The only thing Val's mad about is you hiding yourself away like this."  
  
Brian huffed "Tell her she can mother me after you and Zacky are done." he dropped into the chair next to Zacky "So what does the label want from us now?"  
  
Matt sighed "They're wanting us to finish Nightmare. I can only hold them off so long."  
  
Brian shook his head "I can't do it Matt, if you guys want to record you can, get dad to do my parts. But I can't."  
  
"...Brian it's going to be hard enough without Jimmy, don't make us try and go on without you as well."  
  
"I said I can't do it! I can't and I won't!" he snapped, glaring across the table at Matt. He stood and pointed at Matt "Record the damn album if you want, I don't care, but do not try and force me to do that."  
  
"Brian..." Zacky tried "there's not an Avenged Sevenfold without you."  
  
Brian shook his head "No Zack, there's not an Avenged Sevenfold without Jimmy, there can't be."


End file.
